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. . . another incomprehensibly long chain of unbelievably fortuitous birth defects, proceeding in perfect lockstep with the first, that gave rise to my left eyeball, my other little toenail, and the satisfaction that comes with a real good scratchin'!

Among other things.

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Parents, if you're considering tutoring or supplemental education for your child, you may be interested in my observations on Kumon.