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Ben Sauter, a character, in his own words

"How I got My Name and other Unimportant Stuff"

 
I was born in the United States a couple of years after my mother & father were deported from Sheba.

Sheba is a small country in the Middle East. Full of oil.

Mother was the queen of Sheba and my father was the king.

Oil meant a lot of money coming into Sheba. And each night the queen would take the day's take upstairs in the palace. There she had 2 buckets and she would say 2 for me and 1 for the peasants. She soon had a big Swiss bank account.

But the peasants got fed up with this and had them both deported to the U.S. Mother wouldn't tell anyone that she was deported from Sheba. She would say: I departed Sheba.

My Mom & Dad tried for years to become parents and then I was born. One day I heard mom & the maid talking in the next room. Mom told the maid: We tried so hard to have a baby and now look what we got. She said a wise old man once told me: Be careful what you pray for because you might just get it.

One day when I was about 6 months old, Mother and I were having a conversation and I asked her how I got the name Walter Benton Sauter. She said: when you were born there were 2 people in attendance, Dr. Walter Niblett and the talented midwife Butterfly. I wanted to honor one of them by giving you their name.

So I wrote the name of Walter on a piece of paper and did likewise for Butterfly. Then I put the papers in a can and called your Dad in to draw 1 paper from the jar. That's how you got Walter. It makes me shudder to this day.

But now Benton, you pronounce that wrong. It only has one T. It's pronounced Bent on. You pronounce it with 2 Ts, Benton.

See we tried so hard to become parents we were Bent on it. Hooking the two together, you get Bent on. So now you are straight on your names.

Then when I was 3 yrs. old or so, I had this habit of putting coins in my mouth. It would make my cheek stick out. And Mother would say: Bent on, please don't put coins in your mouth. She would take them out. But we were so affluent that there was money all over the place. So, an hour later my jaw was full of coins again.

No one would spank me because I was quite frail and never outgrew that.

One day I went crying to my Mother and screamed: I just swallowed a dime. Mom & Dad got awfully shook up and they rushed me to Balt. Co. Gen. Hosp. to the Em. room. The doctor calmed them down and said this is nothing that serious; he will probably pass it. Just keep a watch for a while and you'll find the dime. Mother watched for that dime for a week and all she found was 8 cents.

And they lived happily ever after. The end.

 

*** Bent on in the Classics ***

Modesty forbids Pop from mentioning how he made so many great writers what they are today. Here is a small sample.

Fyodor Dostoyevsky: Chapter 7 - A Young Man, Bent on, a Career (The Brothers Karamazov)

Charles Dickens: He turned into the quiet corner in Soho, Bent on seeking an opportunity of opening his mind to Doctor Manette. (A Tale of Two Cities)

William Shakespeare:

Afford no extraordinary gaze
Such as is Bent on, sun-like majesty,
When it shines seldom in admiring eyes; (Henry IV, Part I)

Zane Grey: "Lass, you're Bent on doin' somethin'," said Wade, in his gentle voice. "Bent?" she echoed, with something deep and rich in her voice. "Yes, I'm bent--bent like your name--to speak my mind!" (The Mysterious Rider)

Jack London: Smoke was Bent on spending his time watching the roulette game in the Elkhorn, while Shorty was equally Bent on, travelling trail. (Smoke Bellew)

Henry James: Well, if you're Bent on being miserable, I don't see why you should make me so. (The Portrait of a Lady)

James Fenimore Cooper: On this tree no less than six Indians had already appeared, others standing ready to follow them, as they left room: each evidently Bent on, running out on the trunk, and dropping on the roof of the ark, as it passed beneath. (The Deerslayer)

Charles Darwin: We had not proceeded far, before we were joined by a woman, and two boys who were Bent on, the same journey. (The Voyage of the "Beagle")

The Bible: I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as conqueror Bent on Conquest. (Rev 6:2)

 


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Apology: Sorry about the potty humor. Pop's getting old and there's really not such a great a difference between 100 and 10, I guess.

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